My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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