Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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