If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
