He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
