My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
