so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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