when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
