dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
