i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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