I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
