Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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