Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
