my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
