You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
