You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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