My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He shit in the fireplace
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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