she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
