I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
