There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
