Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
