we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
