I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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