Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
