Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
