omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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