i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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