3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
