I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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