Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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