I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
