It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
