we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
