just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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