This girl is more easily done than said...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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