Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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