i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
