Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
