Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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