it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
