The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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