as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
