Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
