I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
