I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
