he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
