Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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