Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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