I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
