I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
