I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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